I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
