i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
