I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
