I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize