You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
