I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
