Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
