i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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