I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
