Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
