Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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