Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
