Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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