Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
