i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
