Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
