loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize