He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
