$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
