school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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