i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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