Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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