Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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