you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
