woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
