Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize