dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
