it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
