im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
