Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize