They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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