i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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