I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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