somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
