I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize