Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
