i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize