There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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