overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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