so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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