Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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