it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm at about main and main street
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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