What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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