WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
