what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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