i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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