when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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