we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
