I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
