I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
