What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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