We named our party play list daddy issues
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
