why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
