she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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