Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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