I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
