When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
