Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
