I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize