You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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