did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
