Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
