her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
