fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
