Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
