I met the friendliest cop last night
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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