My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
