jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
