Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
