Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
