For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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