My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
