I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
