Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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